This is what I get for seeing a first-run movie

This past weekend Jumper opened in theaters and I was persuaded to actually go out and see it (an unusual thing for me, catching movies on opening weekends). Don't read this if you plan to see the movie and don't want some things spoiled for you. So, for the first 80 minutes or so, I was enjoying it well enough. It wasn't anything great, but its premise was pretty sweet (there are people in the world - Jumpers - who can teleport just by thinking about where they want to go), and the teleport effect was cool. I was a little uncertain about Hayden Christensen's acting, having last seen him in the Star Wars abominations, but he wasn't bad.

Then, just as the story seemed to be developing some teeth...it ended. Worst set-up for a sequel I've seen in a long time. It felt as though the writers weren't sure how to end it, so they just didn't bother.

Christensen's character, David Rice, put his super cool ability to weak and unfortunate use - teleporting half a foot across the sofa to reach the remote control, zipping to London to get laid, popping directly from the elevator to his apartment, thus cleverly avoiding the use of doors. Oh, and robbing banks. It left me frustrated and disappointed that someone with such an utter lack of creativity would be gifted with such a totally awesome ability. Weak.

Samuel L. Jackson played...Samuel L. Jackson, but with really bad hair. His character was one of a group of religious fanatics called Paladins, whose purpose for centuries has been to hunt down and kill Jumpers. Religious fanatics are boring, especially when their sole justification for their fanaticism is "Only God should have this power." *yawn* Jackson's character tells Rice that he kills Jumpers, because all Jumpers go bad, but we never actually learn how they go bad. It would have been nice to see some examples of this alleged "bad." If stealing some dollars was what he was talking about, I'm wholly unconvinced.

Diane Lane makes a brief and unconvincing appearance as Rice's concerned mother and a Paladin herself. She left him and his dad after the first time he jumped, at five years old, because her only other choice would have been to kill him, she explained. So instead, she ran away, leaving him to learn on his own that he has this crazy ability. She sucked.

Okay, so it sounds like I've got nothing but complaints, but bitching is always easier than praising. Like I said, I was enjoying the movie well enough through most of it. There were aspects of it that weren't so great, but nothing that stood out as especially stinky. Teleporting is, of course, totally cool. The opening scene where Rice learns he's got this awesome ability was done well, in execution and believability. The only other Jumper we meet, Griffin (Jamie Bell), was easily the most interesting and coolest character. Rice could have learned something from him if he hadn't been such an arrogant pup. Jackson's Roland-the-Paladin was as cool as all Jackson's characters are, if entirely too two-dimensional. And my own long-standing fascination with North Africa was tickled by some really nice desert scenes, with panoramic shots of the pyramids and the Sphinx.

I could go on, but there's a Firefly marathon on tv today, so I'm going to go back to that. My recommendation: if a theater near you is showing Jumper during a bargain matinee, you probably won't want to tear your eyes out after leaving the theater. However, if you wait for it to come out on DVD or skip it altogether, you won't be missing much.